It was on a Sunday morning stood on Grandad's cabbage patch
that Nigel got his calling to play in a football match.
Snotty Sid from Crossley Street came bounding through the gate
and with a "Alright Nige young sprout, now whatcha doing mate?
We're short of a goal keeper now that Shorties broke his snout,
you wouldn't be a right good friend and kinda help us out?"
"But I've never played in goal before," said Nigel with a grin.
"There's nothing to it Nige me lad, just don't let nothing in!"
So off with Snotty, Nigel went to 'Cloggers F. C.'s ground
and down into the changing rooms went Nigel with a bound.
Shorties kit was hanging down from over by the pegs,
when Nigel put the jumper on it covered all his legs.
The shorts were unbelieveable they were so big and wide
that he could shove both legs in one and turn from side to side.
Undaunted by these outsized togs he sprinted to his goal
but in his haste to do his bit his foot caught down a hole.
He did a double somersault and cos the grass was wet
he hit the ground, his shorts flew off and landed in the net.
Amongst the many whistles and the shouts to "Get them on!"
He donned another pair of shorts and then the game begun.
Dodger Harris had the ball and passed to Snotty Sid
who kicked it over to the wing to Smudger Simon's kid.
Smudgers kid raced up the wing and tried to pass to Joe
but then a lad built like a tank just took it off his toe.
Up the field he bulldozed and no-one could stay his pace,
then came that crucial moment when he met Nige face to face.
A smurk appeared across the face of that tank-bodied oaf
and Nigel knew now was the time for him to use his loaf.
He gathered all his senses and drew up his five feet nought,
which side of his huge goal mouth would the big lad try to clout.
The ball whizzed off the tank's left foot and hurtled to the right,
no way was that ball going in without a real good fight.
Nigel leapt into the air not thinking he'd get hurt
the ball curved down and then bounced up and shot up Nigel's shirt.
It hit him just below his chin and as his head flew back,
it flew out of the open neck and gave the post a whack.
When it rebounded off the post it fell at Snotty's feet
and Snotty gave it such a boot it landed in the street.
Young Nigel soon confirmed the view of what goes up comes down
and with his legs akimbo he then clattered to the ground.
The next thing he remembered as unconsiousness drew near
was being given mouth to mouth by some buck-toothed old dear.
Though two years have now passed since then, the memory remains vile
and if he sees a friend in need young Nigel runs a mile.
Wednesday, 2 May 2012
Tuesday, 1 May 2012
MIND YOUR BUSINESS
Smiler was a great big cat with patches white and black,
they started from his tallest ear and went right down his back.
His eyes were quite unusual as far as cats eyes go,
one was of an emerald green and one was white as snow.
The white one caused on one dark night when Smiler on the prowl,
was greeted from behind a tree by a bloodcurdling growl.
Being fearless as he was with not much brain on top
he decided to investigate, the growling for to stop.
He stalked his prey most expertly until he reached a box
and sitting right on top of it asnarling was a fox.
He squared right up to Smiler, fangs aglistening from his jaw
but Smiler was to quick for him and caught him with his claw.
It stuck up the foxs nostril and just held him in mid pounce,
then he toppled over backwards hitting fencing with a bounce.
Boomeranging back to where our Smiler bravely stood,
the heavy fox fell on to him and crushed him well and good.
When in the haste of his retreat, as he began to fly
he trampled over Smilers head and trod in Smilers eye.
The moral of this story is, like Smiler don't go blind,
if you hear the fox asnarling then your business you should mind.
they started from his tallest ear and went right down his back.
His eyes were quite unusual as far as cats eyes go,
one was of an emerald green and one was white as snow.
The white one caused on one dark night when Smiler on the prowl,
was greeted from behind a tree by a bloodcurdling growl.
Being fearless as he was with not much brain on top
he decided to investigate, the growling for to stop.
He stalked his prey most expertly until he reached a box
and sitting right on top of it asnarling was a fox.
He squared right up to Smiler, fangs aglistening from his jaw
but Smiler was to quick for him and caught him with his claw.
It stuck up the foxs nostril and just held him in mid pounce,
then he toppled over backwards hitting fencing with a bounce.
Boomeranging back to where our Smiler bravely stood,
the heavy fox fell on to him and crushed him well and good.
When in the haste of his retreat, as he began to fly
he trampled over Smilers head and trod in Smilers eye.
The moral of this story is, like Smiler don't go blind,
if you hear the fox asnarling then your business you should mind.
DISH OF THE DAY
Molly decided that today she might try
to make her dear daddy his favourite pie.
She put on an apron and into a dish
poured flour and water and half a big fish.
A load of tomatoes, some peaches as well
and a squirt from a lemon to give a nice smell.
Two large potatos and a small juicy pear
then she put in some yogurt because it was there.
She stirred round and round until it just looked
as if the ingredients really were cooked.
She shouted her daddy, "I'm just serving up!"
Then poured him some water into a large cup.
Daddy tasted his dinner with a face so serene
said, "Mmm that was lovely," then turned a bright green.
to make her dear daddy his favourite pie.
She put on an apron and into a dish
poured flour and water and half a big fish.
A load of tomatoes, some peaches as well
and a squirt from a lemon to give a nice smell.
Two large potatos and a small juicy pear
then she put in some yogurt because it was there.
She stirred round and round until it just looked
as if the ingredients really were cooked.
She shouted her daddy, "I'm just serving up!"
Then poured him some water into a large cup.
Daddy tasted his dinner with a face so serene
said, "Mmm that was lovely," then turned a bright green.
Monday, 30 April 2012
WHAT A WHOPPER
Big Buster Rippon went fishing one day
and set out his tackle in such a display.
He cast out his line and sat down on a log
when over the bank sniffed a little black dog.
He looked down at Buster and twitched his small snout
at all of the maggots that wriggled about,
but right next to those standing tasty and tall
was a great pile of sandwiches waiting to fall.
Just as Buster stood up thinking he'd got a bite
the black dog rushed down thinking that he just might.
He snapped up a sandwich but while he was there
he kicked all the maggots up high in the air.
When coming back down most had landed in dirt
but about half a dozen went down Busters shirt.
He squealed like a pig and jumped up in a flash
then he landed in water and made a loud 'SPLASH'.
Peeping out from the reeds, Buster just turned to see
a little black dog where his snap used to be.
and set out his tackle in such a display.
He cast out his line and sat down on a log
when over the bank sniffed a little black dog.
He looked down at Buster and twitched his small snout
at all of the maggots that wriggled about,
but right next to those standing tasty and tall
was a great pile of sandwiches waiting to fall.
Just as Buster stood up thinking he'd got a bite
the black dog rushed down thinking that he just might.
He snapped up a sandwich but while he was there
he kicked all the maggots up high in the air.
When coming back down most had landed in dirt
but about half a dozen went down Busters shirt.
He squealed like a pig and jumped up in a flash
then he landed in water and made a loud 'SPLASH'.
Peeping out from the reeds, Buster just turned to see
a little black dog where his snap used to be.
Saturday, 28 April 2012
BEWARE THE RABBIT
Millie had a rabbit, white of body, pink of eye
and so she called him Blackie, though no one could fathom why?
She took him right inside the house which mother did abhor.
He chewed the mat and used to leave small droppings on the floor.
Millie loved her bunny taking him were ere she went,
she even took him with her camping out in brothers tent.
Brother Billy was a bully and with Millie he would fight,
he decided he would scare her in his tent that very night.
When his sister was asleep he tip-toed right outside,
he took with him a big white sheet, for neath it he would hide.
He also had a little torch turned on beneath his chin,
then moaning and a-groaning he created such a din.
But Millie she slept heavy and she didn't even wake
but Blackie hearing noises for the outside he did make.
At first the only thing he saw was just a big white sheet
but after close inspection, sticking out were two pink feet.
With ten long toes just lying there and glowing in the night,
Blackie just thought 'carrots' and the big one he did bite.
Billy squealed out loudly, lost his balance and fell crash,
rolled down in the bull-rushes and in the pond went SPLASH!
Blackie back inside the tent touched Millie with his paw,
Millie just turned over, then she let out one big snore.
and so she called him Blackie, though no one could fathom why?
She took him right inside the house which mother did abhor.
He chewed the mat and used to leave small droppings on the floor.
Millie loved her bunny taking him were ere she went,
she even took him with her camping out in brothers tent.
Brother Billy was a bully and with Millie he would fight,
he decided he would scare her in his tent that very night.
When his sister was asleep he tip-toed right outside,
he took with him a big white sheet, for neath it he would hide.
He also had a little torch turned on beneath his chin,
then moaning and a-groaning he created such a din.
But Millie she slept heavy and she didn't even wake
but Blackie hearing noises for the outside he did make.
At first the only thing he saw was just a big white sheet
but after close inspection, sticking out were two pink feet.
With ten long toes just lying there and glowing in the night,
Blackie just thought 'carrots' and the big one he did bite.
Billy squealed out loudly, lost his balance and fell crash,
rolled down in the bull-rushes and in the pond went SPLASH!
Blackie back inside the tent touched Millie with his paw,
Millie just turned over, then she let out one big snore.
THE KINGFISHER
Colourful this graceful bird
reaching in the flowing brook.
Every move a tribal dance,
active in its search for food.
Trapping, flapping little fish
in its beak so razor sharp.
Vibrantly it gulps them down,
eager to be swooping on.
reaching in the flowing brook.
Every move a tribal dance,
active in its search for food.
Trapping, flapping little fish
in its beak so razor sharp.
Vibrantly it gulps them down,
eager to be swooping on.
EARLY MORNING GLORY
Early on an Autumn morn while frost still nips the flower stems,
the sun peeps through a spiders web and glistened water hangs like gems.
The trees adorned with colours rich, bronze , flaming red and yellow hue,
cast off their leaves for soon they sleep, awaiting Spring and shoots anew.
A squirrel leaps from branch to branch, an acrobat with bushy tail,
he scrambles down an ancient oak and searches for a nutty trail.
The twittering of bird-song , echoes through the frosty air.
Blue-tits darting to and fro beware the foxes lair.
This cunning creature, orange red, sleeps from his nightly prowl,
he dreams of victims passed and new, the rabbits, ducks and fowl.
A heron swoops towards the brook, a fish is what she spies,
she splashes in with beak alert and snatches up her prize.
The tiny fish, scales sparkling bright, just wriggles to break free
but disapears with one huge gulp and never more to be.
A magpie watching overhead calls to its nearby mate,
she flies to join him on his perch and sees the fishes fate.
Like book-ends painted black and white they sit upon the bough,
joined with a life-long partnership as in a sacred vow.
The suns warm rays dry out the frost, its droplets look forlorn,
impatient for another day when they will be reborn.
the sun peeps through a spiders web and glistened water hangs like gems.
The trees adorned with colours rich, bronze , flaming red and yellow hue,
cast off their leaves for soon they sleep, awaiting Spring and shoots anew.
A squirrel leaps from branch to branch, an acrobat with bushy tail,
he scrambles down an ancient oak and searches for a nutty trail.
The twittering of bird-song , echoes through the frosty air.
Blue-tits darting to and fro beware the foxes lair.
This cunning creature, orange red, sleeps from his nightly prowl,
he dreams of victims passed and new, the rabbits, ducks and fowl.
A heron swoops towards the brook, a fish is what she spies,
she splashes in with beak alert and snatches up her prize.
The tiny fish, scales sparkling bright, just wriggles to break free
but disapears with one huge gulp and never more to be.
A magpie watching overhead calls to its nearby mate,
she flies to join him on his perch and sees the fishes fate.
Like book-ends painted black and white they sit upon the bough,
joined with a life-long partnership as in a sacred vow.
The suns warm rays dry out the frost, its droplets look forlorn,
impatient for another day when they will be reborn.
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